Transparent Tuesday – The Things That Really Make Me Feel Ugly

Thanks for all of the kind responses I got to my post last week about my fiance. Y’all warmed my heart!

I did get an interesting comment (that yes, I chose to delete) that was kind enough to point out to me that I was much larger than Adam and that I should question how he is attracted to me. I’ve gotten a couple of comments like that in the past on Instagram, but this is the first time on my blog. Honestly, it didn’t really upset me too much. I get it; to some people, there is no way a plus size woman could be considered attractive or sexy or beautiful. And that’s cool. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree with it or not.

But I wanted to address this on Transparent Tuesday because the truth is, there are plenty of reasons I feel unattractive. And the least of them is my size. While that seems to be the default issue that women say makes them feel ugly, there are usually a host of other things (that other people rarely notice!) that makes us feel insecure or unattractive. In the spirit of Transparent Tuesday, I’m gonna share a couple of them with you.

Thin hair

Love the picture, hate that it shows how thin my part is…..

HAIR. I don’t even know where to begin with my hair. First of all, it’s thin. Especially in the front. I think it’s a genetic thing, because some of the women in my family have the same thing. But I’ve been told by multiple stylists that the hair styles I like won’t work on me because I don’t have full, thick, hair. But oh, I have plenty of hair in places I don’t want it. Facial hair also runs in my family, so there’s plenty of crap I do to my face to keep it looking hairless. I’ve had so much laser hair removal, I don’t even think it’s painful anymore. I’m immune to the laser.

Weird toes

Behold! My weird toes that need a pedicure (that I’m too ashamed to go get).

FEET. I hate my feet. Actually I hate feet in general, but mostly my feet. I had an aunt point out to me once that my toes aren’t straight and don’t go together when I put my feet next to each other. Ever since then, I’ve been super self-conscious about my feet. And I don’t have the perfect squared toe nails that everyone else has. Mine are kind of weird shaped. And my toes aren’t straight! And they are oddly skinny. Even getting a pedicure is hard for me. I hate exposing my feet to people.

Big nose

I rarely look straight on at a camera since I feel like it makes my nose look even bigger.

NOSE. I have this irrational hatred towards my nose. I think it’s huge and it takes up my whole face. Other people tell me that I’m crazy, but I’m pretty sure they are all lying. It’s horrible and I hate it.

Cat

Butt is non-existent, so here is a picture of my cat staring at me in the bathroom. Rude!

BUTT. Actually, by butt I mean lack of butt. Seriously, it’s concave back there. I have wide hips but a totally flat butt. My dad had a flat butt, so I blame him for this curse. My sister always tells me that if I do lunges and squats, I can build up a butt. But honestly, that sounds like the opposite of fun. Every night I go to bed and pray for a butt. Every morning I wake up….. no butt. What kind of sick joke are you playing on me God???

So that’s it; the list of the things that actually make me self-conscious. So thank you random person for trying to shame me for being bigger than my fiance. But if you really want to shame me, try using one of these things. Because I will totally agree with you.

That all being said…… I’m still pretty fabulous 🙂

13 responses to “Transparent Tuesday – The Things That Really Make Me Feel Ugly”

  1. Pancake butts unite! xo

  2. Rocknrealty says:

    you crack me up!!! FABULOUSness unite!

  3. Lauren Perdue says:

    First off, fuck that commenter. You are stunning. Also you totally hate feet and its hilarious. I definitely empathize with the skinnier-partner shade people throw but i think its just sad that theyve been programmed to believe overweight people dont belong with whatever body type they want. People are people. Attraction just happens.

    • WORD. Fat does not equal unattractive to everyone. People like different stuff. And that’s okay! I don’t need everyone to like me. But I just don’t get how people think that’s a revelation. Dude, I look in the mirror everyday. I know I’m fat. And trust me, I obsess over this other stuff WAAAAAAAY more than the size of my body.

  4. Leigh Ann says:

    Wonder if they would have said anything if it were the other way around? You and Adam make a great couple. The reasons people love us are so far beyond what we look like. I should know, because my husband is way hotter than I am. 😉

    • I tell Adam all the time that he is cuter than me, and he says it’s not true; that there was a contest and I won all the cutes. People like what they like 🙂

      And you are right – no one ever says “Wow that guy is bigger than that girl. I wonder how she could possibly be attracted to him.” Double standards FTW!!

  5. Sarah Williams says:

    You’re my inspiration! Honestly, you make me want to keep on keeping on.

  6. Theresa says:

    I love you. And I’m right there with you. I think about the peaks of lips not being perfectly even more than my body. Also you are a fantastic and engaging writer. And no I will not go to bed even though I work in the morning.

  7. Rosanna says:

    I love your WHR ~(*wonderfully* honest and
    real)~ writing and
    your *confident* fashion style,
    Cathy! Have you ever heard of
    the Japanese concept of “Wabi Sabi,” which is centered on the acceptance
    of imperfection, (and about which numerous books have been
    written)?
    As a retired College Health R.N., I can hardly believe that I’ve
    reached this point in my life, i.e., without knowing
    of
    “Wabi Sabi” until
    ~o.n.l.y.~ ~r.e.c.e.n.t.l.y.~…………
    because I sure could’ve used the knowledge (even more) when I was
    younger! These two links about “Wabi Sabi,” (directly Below),
    are
    very good, and although the first was written for kids/young
    adults………… it was still very helpful to me personally, i.e., in my initial,
    floundering comprehension of the concept!:

    http://news4kid.com/science/wabi-sabi/
    http://SteveMcCurry.Wordpress.com/2013/05/01/beauty-in-imperfection/

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